One trick for better sex: Communication


Illustration by Alex Torres/The Runner

Chelsea McDowell, Contributor

   Straight women, if you want to achieve the maximum amount of pleasure from sexual encounters, you are going to have to use your mouth for something other than oral sex. 

  According to a study entitled Differences in Orgasm Frequency Among Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Heterosexual Men and Women in a U.S. National Sample, straight men were most likely to say that they usually orgasmed from sexual intercourse– about 95% of the time– while straight women reported that they orgasmed from sex 65% of the time. While the study concluded that straight women were less likely to achieve orgasm when compared to their male counterparts, among lesbian and bisexual women, and gay men, it found that women who vocalized their wants to their partner were more likely to achieve sexual gratification.   

  In contrast to what modern pornography may portray, sex should be pleasurable to all parties involved, and if your partner isn’t hitting your spots, you have two options. One: accept that the sex is bad and you will never be satisfied. (But also, don’t accept this.) Or two: speak up. Enlighten your partner about the things that make you feel good and work with them. Not all men are selfish. Some are honestly clueless, and your silence is not going to help anyone.  

  Of course, not all sexual relationships are the same, and there is a difference between having sex in a relationship and hooking up with multiple partners. 

  Committed relationships are usually built on trust and communication and this should translate during sex. A significant other may be more likely to listen and care about your needs than a onenight stand. Simply verbalizing your wants during the act should suffice, as well as making sure your partner is also enjoying them self. Possible kinks should be discussed without fear of shaming.  

  Women going through a “hoe phase” may feel like sex is just another great American pastime; however, there still should be an element of trust, even between strangers. Whether you are hooking up with the same friend or countless strangers, you should always feel your best and never like you are being used for a man’s enjoyment. It may be tricky to get a sex buddy to cooperate in the achievement of your orgasm. Perhaps they refuse to perform oral sex or they will not listen to your commands. In these cases, it is important to evaluate how much you put into the relationship and what you’re getting out of it.  

  When communication doesn’t work, and your partner has exposed himself as a selfish or terrible lover, it is best to just get up. If the only reason you’re continuing to have sex with someone when you aren’t enjoying it is because you want to be nice, you should not be having sex with that person. There is no sense in having awkward sex just because you don’t want to be rude.  

  As we approach the start of a new decade, women should leave antiquated ideas about sex in the past. In this millennium, women will be made to cum or we’ll do it ourselves.