While eating healthy is a food sensation that’s sweeping the nation, sometimes it’s nice just to feel your arteries clog and slow to a mortally-threatening pace. For just such the occasion, my family has a mac and cheese recipe that is the end of heart-stopping goodness.

I’ve taken to calling the recipe “nana-mac” as nana – my grandmother – was the origin of the recipe, and it’s so unhealthy that Paula Deen is spinning in her grave. That’s right, Paula Deen is dead. What killed her you ask? The mere mention of this macaroni and cheese recipe. If you ever want to make macaroni and cheese, really the first ingredient needed is the noodle. I’m not a huge stickler for the type that goes in, but something with a bit of surface area is a good choice, extra credit if you choose a noodle in a tube shape.

If you go into this using spaghetti or another stringy noodle, you’re going to have a bad time. After you select the noodle to suit your taste, you will need these ingredients for a single serving of the cheese sauce. Eight ounces of Velveeta cheese, 1/2 cup milk, one stick of butter or margarine, one tablespoon of dried minced onions, a 10 ounce can of cream of celery soup, one cup of mayonnaise, which I promise isn’t disgusting, 1/4 cup of pepper, one teaspoon seasoning salt and four ounces grated cheddar cheese. To prepare this, nothing very fancy goes down.

You throw basically everything you have for the sauce into a large saucepan, wait for it to get to a point where you can mix it – a whisk works best – and stir like mad until you make sure there are no chunks of anything aside from the onions. After that, just throw your noodles and sauce into a big pan and bake it covered at 350 Fahrenheit until the top of the whole thing is just slightly browned.

You don’t want to overcook this, because the macaroni will dry out and be awful on top. To get really crazy, you can even throw extra stuff into the mix, but if it’s bigger than a minced onion, your best bet is to leave it out until you mix the sauce and noodles together. Personally, I love mushrooms, so I sliced a box up, sautéed them very lightly (mostly just to get the texture consistent with that of the cooked macaroni), and mixed the whole thing together.

I would’ve added bacon, but alas, the planets were not aligned, and no bacon could be found. One way I would try to make this more of a single course meal is to add either chicken or another protein to the mix. If a person wanted to go crazy, they could make a sort of mock jambalaya with the recipe, and my money would be on it turning out delicious. This definitely isn’t a recipe that should be made very often though, and it does best as a party dish because of how truly unhealthy it is.