For singles:
Drown out your sorrows:
Make Charlie Sheen’s New Year’s look like Betty White’s Wednesday afternoon. If you start at five o’ clock on February 13, and you drink as much alcohol as your liver will allow, you’ll wake up very late on Valentine’s and won’t have to suffer too long.
Dinner for one:
Stick it to society’s definition of what this day should be and do what all couples do except alone. Call that fancy restaurant and make a rez for one, that whole box of chocolates for just you, buy yourself flowers and I won’t judge… that much. Embrace loneliness in a way that very few have the courage to do.
Take to social media:
What I’ve noticed is many people like to use social media to emphasize their single status. If you’re a lonely guy you can use the tried and true route of “proud to be single because woman pick douchebags over good guys like me” because no cologne can beat the smell of desperation. If you’re a single woman you obviously want the “I’m single and loving it, I don’t need a man” because if you don’t try to convince yourself you’re happy, who will? A bonus and gender fluid option is “everyone on Valentine’s Day is like I love my significant other and I’m over here like I love [insert inanimate object/ food]”. Use that and everyone will be too busy laughing to think about how lonely you really are.
The “couple’s experience” for one:
If you really want to experience what the day of love would be like if you were in a relationship, try this. Take all the money you have and set it on fire.
For Couples:
Post pictures:
Post photos of you and your love on social media so you can one up your couple friends and make your single friends even sadder than they are the other 364 days of the year. Bonus points if your smiles can convince me that you didn’t try fifteen times before to get the right look.
Get away:
…from your significant other. Mix things up and give your loved one a break from your overbearing self. Pay for a day of relaxation so they can put up with you until next year.
Fast forward:
Look into your boyfriend and/ or girlfriend’s eyes and either propose to or break up with them because those are the only two ways it’ll end. Cut out the years of stress and really decide which it’ll be. I highly encourage the women reading this article to show their boyfriends this and ask them which it’ll be.
