When we think of relationships, people are often thinking of the perfectly matched couple. We see this perspective of “Barbie and Ken” and hope to achieve that level of greatness within our own relationships. We want the connection we see in film, the love we hear in music, and the unbreakable bond we read about in books. As women, we dream of that relationship and only hope to attain that connection with our partners.  

We want the perfect husband, the perfect wife and the perfect relationship, but relationships are complex. Relationships require balance. There are two points of view to every relationship, but people only see one side either his or hers.  

How are we to perceive this? The idea of a perfect relationship has been sold to us in all forms of media.      

Perfection is a fantasy.  

Relationships require work from both sides. We need both sides for balance, not just his or hers. Is this even achievable? Yes – partners just need to listen to one another, not just hear. The question we ask ourselves is: why is one less attentive and emotionally unavailable than the other? 

Is it men or women that feel lonelier? As a married woman, I have learned that my past relationships have failed because someone wasn’t listening. It was either me or him. We would talk, but no one was really listening. Listening is not just hearing, it is internalizing and processing the needs and wants of your partner. Listening will always be work, respect, and balance. Relationships are a give and take.  

Listening matters; it is not just waiting to speak. It is about trying to fully understand your partner. Your partner requires empathy and patience. When one is not listening, the relationship gets put on pause, and one or both become emotionally silent. Partners start to feel unseen and unsupported. Then loneliness starts to step in, and it creates a void in the relationship. If left unattained, that void will grow and overpower his or her perspective. This creates a distance. Distance that builds walls, rather than support.      

If we listen and open up more with our partners, then the loneliness that is felt will fade. Women tend to be more vulnerable and express it in various ways, while men tend to be more guarded. Men often struggle to express their feelings and project what they really want and need out of the relationship. Communication needs to be simple and clear.  

We must be partners, not roommates. What do I mean by that? It means sometimes one person will have to give more than the other, and that balance won’t always be 50/50. Balance is referring to give and take, flexibility and mutual respect. The unrealistic image of “Barbie and Ken” has been fed to us for decades, yet even Ken and Barbie have their issues, and neither exists without the other.  

 Their polished relationship is not real. Real relationships have needs, compromise, miscommunication, and growth. In the end, relationships are built on stories and when both sides listen, they stop being his and hers, and become ours.