“I got into a situationship for a little too long, it was 9 months… we were like going strong until this last month when I noticed he was falling out of love. He told me he just wants to be friends, and he is genuinely a good person, but what do I do? I’ve never talked to anyone like that before. I’m hurt, but I also know ima be okay. I think being queer just adds a whole other level to this. We don’t get the high school romance, we rarely get to live out a romance story. This was the first time I got one, it was the first time I kissed the same boy like 10 times, held hands, kissed in public, we did so many first together. I’m a little lost and confused, what should I do to feel better, but I also want to keep this relationship with him since he’s become such a part of my life, is that healthy?” 

Thank you for your vulnerability! I hear you, and there’s no judgment from me! I am also queer myself, so I see you and hear you! 

 To start with the end and work my way up, there are no correct answers to whether we should keep a particular person in our lives because all our situations are different. Furthermore, as you wrote there is an extra layer with being queer. 

First off, don’t stay with someone just because the relationship was once important to you. You deserve someone who loves you back, even with being queer and not having the same experiences as heterosexual relationships.  

I think of a quote from “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” that says, “We accept the love that we think we deserve.”  

I hope you take this quote as you feel it means. Still, this tells me that we often allow people to stay in our lives, whether in a romantic relationship or in a friendship, because we think that that is all we are going to get or deserve.  

If you feel this boy is important to keep in your life, then I do not see any reason why you cannot keep him a part of your life. Just know that you are worth so much more than you think and deserve people who value and care for you. There is nothing wrong with knowing that someone was important to you during that time and taught you a lesson, but removing them from your life does not mean they are a bad person, nor are you. Setting those boundaries for ourselves helps us grow and open ourselves to healthier relationships in the future.  

I hope that this helps. <3 

From the Heart, 

Brianna