By Hiba Ali
Staff Writer

In arranged marriage, the two spouses have a say in it, forced marriage, on the other hand, the groom and bride do not. The definition of arranged marriage is where the groom does not propose the bride, instead the groom’s family proposes to the bride’s family. It is different than a forced marriage.

“We are honored to ask your daughter’s hand for our son’s,” is what any father of the groom would say to the father of the bride. It is the equivalent of asking a father’s blessing in America. However, if the father of the groom or bride is not in the picture or deceased, any older person in the family can take his place.

Arranged marriage was in fact common back in the days, but then started to be abandoned in the 18th century. Some countries are still holding on this old tradition, such as the Middle East, Africa, Latin America, and Asia. This kind of marriage differs from culture to culture and family to family.

Arranged marriage is mostly dominant in Middle Eastern countries. The reason why arranged marriage is more commonly found in Muslim countries is because generally Muslims do not date; it is a way to protect our modesty and purity instead of committing any kind of forbidden or sinful activities.

This practice does not mean that this particular culture is against love before marriage, and it’s not sinful to love before marriage, as long as it is a pure love, but believe in love after marriage. When two spouses get together and get married, it is also about two families getting together.

If a man knows that he is ready to settle down and enter into marriage, he asks his mother, or any older female member of the family, to start looking for the right woman for him. Once the female member of the family finds the right woman for him, she talks to the older female family member of the bride’s and tells her that they liked their girl and want to ask her hand for their son; a little time should be given to the bride’s family to ask around about him.

If the bride says yes, then her family would meet the groom and get to know him and see if he’s someone she would be interested in marrying.

Afterwards, The parents of the bride go back and ask her for a final answer, and they get engaged. In their engagement period, the two spouses get to know more about each other, and if they didn’t find any kind of commitment to each other, the marriage is off.

I have asked my own friends who got married in an arranged marriage and those who married out of love got their reasons.

Monera Al-Jassim, a 21-year-old housewife in Kuwait, got married to whom she loved.

“The first year or so, was a year full of love and happiness, but then it started to fade little by little, and we started to get bored of each other.” Said Al-Jassim, who married for love. She said that she supports arranged marriage, because “You get to know something new and interesting about each other together every day, better than already knowing the person and you might lose interest or get bored of by the time they get married.”

Zainab Al-Saleh, also believes in arranged marriage, “I had the choice of saying no, but I said yes because I knew this man is the right man for me. I was comfortable and happy in the beginning of our marriage, and still am,” said Al-Saleh, 19-year-old, a student at Intensive English Language Center at CSUB.

Al-Banderi Al-Hajri, a 21-year-old, physical education major student, said, “I was scared in the beginning, knowing that I’m getting married to a person I don’t know, I wasn’t expecting to be as happy as I am right now,” said Al-Hajri.

“I’m not saying that arranged marriage has no negative effects, but it has more positive effects than love marriage” Mr. Saeed, 20-year-old student at Merietta College.

Ninety one percent, out of 53 men and women I have asked, support arranged marriage more than love marriage, “because they start a new life, and build it together under one ceiling, and with their own way,” Hala Al-Shamri, 21, English major at Kuwait University, said.

No matter what circumstances, arranged or love marriage, it all depends on the two spouses involved.