By Richard Garibay
Staff Writer

I recently noticed some signs around campus that I found odd to say the least. After some intense investigation (reading the signs), I learned they were put there by the Psychology Club who hoped their signs would help people become better parents.

While I like the initiative the club is taking, I have to give them an A for effort and an F for execution because they are implying that the serious act of parenting can be taught through a bunch of signs. Another problem I have is that if you have to read a sign to tell you how to parent, you shouldn’t have a child.

It just seems scary to think that parents need to be told these things. Imagine seeing a sign targeted towards surgeons that says, “Advanced Surgery: Make sure the anesthetic has taken complete effect before operating on your patient.” You’d think they’d know to do that, which makes the sign useless.

I’ve compiled some of my favorite signs and will now tell you why I think they’re wrong.

“Severely restrict all television viewing.”

What kind of North Korean regime of a household are you trying to run? Contrary to popular belief, the effect of television on children is still in a grey area. According to a study conducted by Reuters, “The study of 872 children found no correlation between the amount of time they had spent viewing television before they reached 2 years of age and their progress at age 3.” People should stop blaming television for their awful kids.

“Don’t make derogatory remarks about your children to other people while in their presence.”

Just wait until your child leaves and then go off the rails with “derogatory remarks”, they won’t know. I like this sign because it implies that you should insult your child with other people behind their back. The sign should end after people, just don’t make derogatory remarks about your child.

“Teach your children that an emergency is the only reason they may interrupt a conversation.”

You wouldn’t want your kid getting in the way of those derogatory remarks you’re trying to make about them. Eric Davis, a freshman Geology major hit the nail on the head as he said, “The signs are contradicting.” As another sign says, “Listen attentively to your children”, make up your minds. Do I neglect my child or listen to them with every fiber of my being? Tell me, mighty and powerful sign!

“Set a good example for your children.” and “Don’t ever tell your child that he or she is stupid, ugly, good-for-nothing, worthless, etc.”

Really?! I was going to have a child and be the next Charles Manson while calling them stupid, ugly, good-for-nothing, worthless, and etc. “Hey, etcetera! Shut up, I’m trying to murder someone.” I think not. I put these two together because they are both things common sense takes care of. Obviously you should set a good example and not say things like that; you don’t really need a sign to tell you that.

“Don’t physically, sexually, verbally, or psychologically abuse your child.”

I found this one the funniest. Now, before you nail me to a cross in the middle of town square, hear me out. There are of course people who do these awful things to children. But, do you really think they are going to read the sign and say, “Whoa, I didn’t know sexually abusing my child was wrong. I better listen to that sign and stop. Good thing I read that sign.” If that were the case then inner city Los Angeles would be full of signs that say, “Hey! Don’t shoot people.”

It has the same problem as the two that came before it. People who are doing these things know they’re doing wrong and aren’t going to read a sign and stop what they’re doing, the sign is useless.

There are other reasons these signs are ridiculous. Freshman Chemistry major Zachary Rosenberger said, “I think that they’re silly. For being the Psychology club they’re pretty ham-handed in their word use like check your child’s homework ‘religiously’. It’s just so black and white.”

It’s very true; these commandments of child rearing leave no room for exceptions. Maybe some parents just don’t have the time to be religious with homework and the Psychology club’s signs imply that they are bad parents.

This is a lack of subtlety. When I read them I feel like the club is asserting that this is what good parents do and if you don’t do these things you’re an awful parent. Maybe the Psychology club should just tape these parenting hints to bricks and throw them at the faces of parents who haven’t followed them, that would be more subtle.