By Daysi Meza
Advertising Manager
Dear Daysi,
Throughout my childhood, I was constantly teased by my father to the point where I felt he did not love me. Now that I’m a grown woman, my relationship with him has not changed. He is very distant. I have been dating since I turned 18, and I have always felt the need to be in a relationship. Whenever I break up with a boyfriend, I look for affection in the arms of a guy who I believe is charming, but they usually end up causing deep emotional damage. Why can’t I stop feeling the need of being romantically involved with someone all the time?
Sincerely, C.F.
Dear C.F,
Based on everything that you shared, I would like to say that you are a strong person. Although your father was not able to provide emotional support throughout your childhood, and that may have caused feelings of emptiness, try to remind yourself that his attitude toward you has nothing to do with who you are today. A lack of positive reinforcement could possibly lead to codependency. According to therapist Robert Burney, author of “What is Codependency?,” he defines codependency as “a disease of lost self.” He affirms that during childhood, humans need the affirmation and validation of their parents in order to develop a healthy self-esteem. In some of your romantic relationships, there is common pattern: trying to measure up to expectations of others, even though the nature of these relationships did not make you happy. You stayed in these relationships trying to find the affection and understanding you desired and hoped for.
“In counseling, I would encourage a student to examine their early childhood attachment processes as well as what they might need from a relationship,” said Janet Millar, a counselor at the CSUB Counseling Center. “Emotional, romantic, sexual, financial, geographic, safety issues need to be identified and resolved.”
I want to urge you to realize that you are indeed a wonderful person, capable of accomplishing everything and anything you set your heart and mind to. If you really want to find true love in life, you first need to find yourself. Relationships can be complicated. All you can do is to strive to be the best person you can be for the time being, so that when the right person comes along, you will be more than ready to make that deep emotional connection you have been waiting for all this time. For anyone that may be having relationship issues, please don’t hesitate to contact our campus Counseling Center. They will be more than happy to help you in any personal problem you may be dealing with.
