By Alex Ripepi

Senior Columnist

Without the ability to improvise solutions to problems, the human race probably wouldn’t be what we’ve come to know and love. In the kitchen, the ability to improvise is key if and when shit hits the fan and suddenly ingredients and cookware are missing and there is defrosted meat just waiting to rot on the counter. Without the ability to pull a solution out of thin air, the outcome will be wasted money and a funky smell in your kitchen.

This week, I ended up in a similar situation 5 minutes from deadline in the design room for this very newspaper. I had yet to think of an idea for this column, but I couldn’t let down my faithful reader. A little birdie let me know that an iron was left in the cabinets, and after a quick run to the grocery store for bread, roast beef, onion, bell pepper, cheese and butter, I was ready to go.

First and foremost, when you cook in a non-standard environment, the highest priority on the list is sanitation. Don’t use the top of a garbage can as a saucepan, and make sure there are no cockroaches tap-dancing on the surface you use to cut your food. When available, cutting boards can save a life, as they can function as an all-purpose surface in dire straits.

After dicing the vegetables on a cutting board, I used the hidden iron of destiny as a faux-grill, and cooked them until they browned just slightly, then set them aside while I buttered both sides of the bread for the sandwich and put Swiss cheese and roast beef between them, and pressed down on the bread as if the iron was a Panini press. I did this until both sides were sufficiently crispy, and then put the ‘grilled’ veggies on the sandwich.

Protip: if you’re using something like a tomato on a real Panini grill or George Foreman something or other, make sure you wait to put them on the sandwich, or be ready for a more rigorous cleanup, the juices will leak all over the place, and can make your sandwich soggy as well.

As a bit more of a test, I ran the gauntlet another time making grilled cheese. Again, to get that fake grill taste and texture I buttered the outsides of the bread, and set the iron down for about five minutes on each side. This may actually have worked better than the cheesesteak sandwich, and ended up cooking about as well with both Swiss and American cheese as any other simple grilled cheese would have.

Obviously, I didn’t get fancy – no pork belly this time – but the more daring could try to spice up their iron grilling game with all the fixings. Without a doubt, this was the most interesting way I’ve ever made a meal, and honestly the flavor wasn’t bad for the mode of preparation.

An iron that was in a dark cabinet for who knows how long made a pretty impressive mock Philly cheesesteak, and I have no reservations about doing that again. That being said, there are other ways that kitchen improvisation can save or make a meal – don’t be afraid to get creative, people – and I won’t lie, I’m no master chef. But after today, I can finally claim to be an iron chef.